


Since

by The_Lavender_Creator



Series: Secure [3]
Category: No Fandom
Genre: Domestic Violence, Genderqueer, Nonbinary Character, Other, Pansexual Character, Underage - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-14
Updated: 2019-07-13
Packaged: 2020-06-27 22:41:52
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Underage
Chapters: 15
Words: 1,594
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19799236
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/The_Lavender_Creator/pseuds/The_Lavender_Creator
Summary: A student named Jessie recalls their ex-boyfriend while trying to write an assignment for their college class.





	1. Since

I'm sitting in my dorm room, trying to write a story for my Creative Writing class at 6:00 pm. I can't do this today. I can't write this today and I couldn't yesterday and I haven't been able to since-

Since.


	2. 5 Credits

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Half of this story is in flashbacks! This is the first of the flashbacks!

I was forced to take the class. I needed 5 credits in English to get into the school my parents both went to, so they insisted I take the class.

I walked in the first day and met him.

That's when it all started. Mr. Boman's Creative Writing class.


	3. Prompt

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Present day!

I look down at the writing prompt.

"Their love forbidden, they lived side by side as victims of a cruel fate."

How am I supposed to write this? I can't write a short love story. Not right now. Ever since...him...I haven't been able to write anything really- expecially not...love.


	4. A Fateful Inroduction

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Flashback!

“Hey, my new student! Come here and introduce yourself to the class!”  
“I-Hi, I’m Jessie Mallory. I use they/them pronouns and yeah…”  
“Okay, Jessie, please sit next to Jayden over there.”  
“M’kay…”


	5. Hopeless Infatuation

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Present!

I love him so much it hurts. God, this is terrible. You're supposed to grow out of these crushes, right!? Especially with what he did to me! It's been a year and I'm still hopelessly infatuated with him! Is that...damn, I'm crying again.


	6. Pen Ink On Skin

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Flashback!

“Hey-o, Jessie.”  
“Hey..” I look up at him and nearly lose my breath.   
Holy shit he’s pretty.  
Dark brown hair, shimmering tan eyes, the symmetrical face of a mannequin.  
“Why are you in this class?”  
“I needed an English credit. You?”  
“Same.” I look away from his face, finding myself sitting in the chair next to him at our shared table, and hear Mr. Boman introducing some new assignment. He says it’s a group project to write a screenplay with someone, and our partner was our tablemate. Seizing the opportunity, I ask Jayden for his number so we can meet up after school to write. He gave me this glittering smile and said sure in the most enchanting voice. I moved to grab a piece of paper for him to write it on, and stop when I feel a pen scratching against my hand. He wrote his number in ink, and he smiles at me when he walks out of the classroom to go to his next class.


	7. Notes

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Present!

I swallow and start scratching out notes on the pad next to me.

*Star-crossed lovers  
*ends in tragedy  
*the name Tristen  
*Brayden?  
*family or society forbids

*Jayden and me


	8. Live a Little

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Flashback!

“So, what should we write this screenplay on?” He asks, his feet on top of my kitchen table as he looks at me, hair falling ever so elegantly into his face.  
“I dunno. Never been one for writing, really.”  
“Maybe we could ask your parents for ideas or some shit?”  
“My parents aren’t home. Some business meeting has them away for the next two weeks.”  
“Really? So they aren’t back until a week before this is due?”  
“Yeah.”  
“Then why work? I say we have some fun!”  
“What!?”  
“Come on, Jessie! Didn’t take you to be a downer. Live a little!” He jumps up and saunters to the liquor cabinet and I resist the urge to stop him.

Maybe this will be fun...


	9. Inspiration

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Present!

I could just write about us. I could just write down everything that happened. Write it off as the fiction I’ve always felt it was, truly.


	10. Swirls and Lips

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Flashback! Oh, also, underage drinking.

Drinking is an interesting thing. It tastes sour or hot or sweet depending on what you drink, but either way, you end up with your world swirling around you.  
Somehow, we ended up on the roof.

Somehow, I managed to get some semblance of a spine.

“Do you like anyone?” He swallows.  
“Yeah. What about you? You got this whole nonbinary thing going on, so who all are you attracted to? Like, do you like guys?"  
"I uh, yes." I could feel a blush over my face. "Do you like-"  
"I'm pan, yeah." I blush harder.

He could fall in love with me....

He looks over at me, a dark shadow over his eyes. He smiles at me and leans in.

I don’t stop his lips from taking my first kiss.


	11. A Start

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Present!

I sigh and look from my notepad to the blank computer screen. I title the doc ‘Since’ and start writing.

"I was forced to take the class. I needed 5 credits in English to get into the school my parents both went to, so they insisted I take the class."

Well, it’s a start.


	12. Bad Influences

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Flashback!

We started and never stopped. We wrote the screenplay last minute with the help of my mom, and throughout the year we were paired for many more projects that we finished the same way. I’m not out to my parents in any way, so they let him sleepover. He stays over all the time, and when my parents send us to my room we sneak out through the window. We sneak out to hang out with his friends, and I deal with it because they use the right pronouns, unlike my parents, and were more than happy to help me get a tattoo when I asked,

My grades dropped like a weight off a cliff. My parents never noticed and let us stay together, and I barely managed to pass. He didn’t. I didn’t care, and I took a year break between high school and college so I could wait for him to graduate so we could go to the same school together.

And then-


	13. Texts

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Present! Also domestic abuse.

I’m pulled out of writing by tears stinging my eyes. I look over to my phone, scrolling through my texts to my best friend and sister, Fiona, until I find where she caught us.

“Who was that guy?”  
“My boyfriend"  
"Boyfriend!? We told you this whole gender thing was just you being in denial over being gay!”  
“Uh- no. Still not a guy. Still not a girl. Still attracted to guys and girls and everything in between.”  
“How does that even work?”  
“I’m just... not a guy or a girl but I like both of them and people like me who aren’t either.”  
“But mom said that you’re just gay and confused”  
“Mom is wrong about a lot of things, Fiona.”  
“Huh. well, if you aren’t a guy or a girl, what are you? Like she, he?”  
“They”  
“Okay. I’m cool with it”  
“Really?’  
“Yeah. Now, that guy is your boyfriend?”  
“Yeah.”  
“But he hit you!”


	14. Caught

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Flashback! Also, domestic abuse.

I jump out the window, landing in his arms. He steadies me and I go to look around the corner into the front lawn.  
“Oh shit.”  
“What?” He runs over and steps on a twig, breaking it.  
“Fiona is there. And she just heard you.”  
“Jessie!?” Fiona runs over to us and finds us. “Jessie. What the hell? You’re supposed to be in your room!”  
“So are you, Fiona!”  
“You forgot I have a garden, idiot!”  
“Jessie, why didn’t you tell me she was there!?” Jayden hisses at me.  
“I tried to bu-”

And then he struck me. I stumbled back, rattled from the punch to the cheek. "L-Love..." I whispered to where only he could hear and looked up at the man I love.  
Loved.  
I cleared my voice and look at Fiona. “Fiona, get into the house. Now.” She nods and walks away, looking terrified.

“Jessie, you gave us away-” His voice is ever so soft/  
"I'M NOT THE BAD GUY!" I cry out, tears burning.  
"Jessie, I-"  
"It's fine." My voice cracks as my eyes finally spillover. I turn and run.  
Run.  
Run.  
Run.

All I ever do is run…

Why did I make him do that? God- I’m a fucking idiot. 

I look around and find myself in an alleyway. I ended up staying there until dawn when I returned home. While I waited, I got a text from Fiona.  
“Who was that guy?”  
I sigh.  
“My boyfriend"


	15. Three Years After The Break-Up

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Present finally!

"I took my sister’s advice and I broke up with him. It hurt at first, as I truly did love him. I enrolled in school when September came instead of waiting for him and took the subject we learned together as my major, as I did grow a passion for it with him by my side. Still, it was hard to go about my life at school knowing that if I went through my plans then he would be by my side. He didn’t go to my school anyway, and my sister ended up enrolling in my school in the same classes I’m in. I carried on for three years. And then one day...I stopped smiling when his name came about. His name would fly across my mind and bring a ghost of a smile in its wake. But now...It just brings back broken memories I so desperately wish to renew with him."

I finish writing my truth and sigh. I go through the spelling check and then send the document into my teacher. 24 minutes before the cut-off. I text Fiona asking her to take notes for me. She texts back immediately asking if I’m okay, and say I just took an all-nighter writing Mrs. Vivian’s assignment. She gives a thumbs-up emoji and says that she’ll gladly do it.

I get up from my desk and lay down on my bed and close my eyes.I don't think I'll ever love someone as much as I love him.  
As much as I loved him...I can't love him anymore. After what he's done to me... I can't. I might, but I can't.

And, God, is it terrible…


End file.
